Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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