Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
