Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
