is your mom at the bar?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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