i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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