Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
