Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
