Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize