I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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