NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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