just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
