I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
