saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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