the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
