This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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