my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
