chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
