I think my vagina is haunted
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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