Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
