I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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