No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Are we in a gay sports bar?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
