my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
