i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
