dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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