WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
