your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
