I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
