giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
