do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
