Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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