I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
