Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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