I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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