i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
