I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
