My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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