Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
