Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
