Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
