There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
