Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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