Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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