ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
