Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
