Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
