you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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