sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
