absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
