I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
