Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
