Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
